Dr. Ramey presents "Talking about tough topics with your kids - where to start?"
He will discuss how to talk to your kids about death, depression, divorce and other difficult topics.
Thursday, March 18
6:30 pm - 8:00 pm
Dayton Children's Specialty Care Center - Warren County
100 Campus Loop Road, Suite A
Located on the Atrium Medical Center campus
Get directions
Seating is limited. RSVP by March 15 to Betsy Woods or call 937-641-3619.
About Dr. Ramey
Gregory Ramey, PhD, is the vice president for outpatient services and child psychologist at Dayton Children's. Dr. Ramey writes FamilyWise, a weekly parenting column in the Dayton Daily News that is distributed through the New York Times wire service.
Dr. Ramey received his undergraduate degree from Lake Forest College in 1971, his Master’s degree from Harvard University and his Ph.D. degree in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts.
Since joining Dayton Children's in 1979, Ramey has focused on issues regarding child sexual abuse, parent-child communication, divorce and developmental and behavioral problems of young children. He also has a strong interest in the attributes of “effective parents.” He has given numerous interactive workshops on those parenting skills that seem to be related to raising productive and well-adjusted children.
Showing posts with label child psychology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label child psychology. Show all posts
Monday, February 8, 2010
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
What's wrong with vulgar words?
After telling my older brother to “shut up,” I immediately heard my mom yell, “Gregory, get in your room.” My mom rarely called me Gregory. I was in trouble.
“Never use that word again,” she said in her firm Italian accent. I was only about 6 years old and not smart enough to just be quiet. “Ma, what’s so wrong with saying ‘shut up’? Everyone says it,” I argued. My mom never graduated from high school and wasn’t very sophisticated. However, she had an uncanny ability to focus on what was really important.
“Gregory, can’t you think of a nicer way to get attention?” she asked.
"Shut up” seems pretty mild today. I was watching one of my favorite TV programs a few weeks ago, Clean House. The team helps families replace clutter with cleanliness by selling old items to raise money for new furniture. When someone from the show asked a father and teenage son to sell their guitar, dad and child unanimously shouted “No f*** way,” although the profanity was bleeped from the program. Even Clean House uses dirty language.
Research summarized by the Parents Television Council suggests that profanity has increased substantially over the past 10 years. Milder profanities are used more frequently, and harsher vulgarities appear to be gaining tacit acceptance. The number of expletives used in broadcast TV in 2007 was about 11,000 - almost twice that of 10 years ago. Twenty-five percent of the profanities were intense, such as the f-word, s-word or b-word. Vulgarities are no longer restricted to late evening hours, but occur during times when younger children watch television.
Maybe my mom was wrong. After all, these are just words. They don’t have any meaning other than what we assign to them. Maybe words should annoy or offend sometimes. Yesterday’s vulgarities have become today’s commonplace way to communicate anger, annoyance or aggravation. Perhaps our overreaction to these words just increases the likelihood that they will be used.
I think my mom would argue otherwise. She’d probably say that the words we use reflect who we really are. She’d probably talk about civility and courtesy, and the need to be respectful even if you feel angry or upset. While these words certainly get attention, I imagine she’d repeat her comment that there are nicer ways to get people to notice you.
Maybe we can’t have any impact on our culture, but we can exert some influence with our families and friends. I’ve worked as a coach with kids of various ages, and have set a clear expectation about what words I find offensive. I ask kids to be respectful of my values, and not use vulgar or harsh words, including “shut up,” in my presence. I’ve been amazed and pleased that kids rise to this standard and refrain from such language.
At a time when many families feel victimized by a culture that appears increasingly crude and crass, you can still encourage values of respect, courtesy and civility.
Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at The Children’s Medical Center of Dayton. For more of his columns, visit www.childrensdayton.org/ramey.
“Never use that word again,” she said in her firm Italian accent. I was only about 6 years old and not smart enough to just be quiet. “Ma, what’s so wrong with saying ‘shut up’? Everyone says it,” I argued. My mom never graduated from high school and wasn’t very sophisticated. However, she had an uncanny ability to focus on what was really important.
“Gregory, can’t you think of a nicer way to get attention?” she asked.
"Shut up” seems pretty mild today. I was watching one of my favorite TV programs a few weeks ago, Clean House. The team helps families replace clutter with cleanliness by selling old items to raise money for new furniture. When someone from the show asked a father and teenage son to sell their guitar, dad and child unanimously shouted “No f*** way,” although the profanity was bleeped from the program. Even Clean House uses dirty language.
Research summarized by the Parents Television Council suggests that profanity has increased substantially over the past 10 years. Milder profanities are used more frequently, and harsher vulgarities appear to be gaining tacit acceptance. The number of expletives used in broadcast TV in 2007 was about 11,000 - almost twice that of 10 years ago. Twenty-five percent of the profanities were intense, such as the f-word, s-word or b-word. Vulgarities are no longer restricted to late evening hours, but occur during times when younger children watch television.
Maybe my mom was wrong. After all, these are just words. They don’t have any meaning other than what we assign to them. Maybe words should annoy or offend sometimes. Yesterday’s vulgarities have become today’s commonplace way to communicate anger, annoyance or aggravation. Perhaps our overreaction to these words just increases the likelihood that they will be used.
I think my mom would argue otherwise. She’d probably say that the words we use reflect who we really are. She’d probably talk about civility and courtesy, and the need to be respectful even if you feel angry or upset. While these words certainly get attention, I imagine she’d repeat her comment that there are nicer ways to get people to notice you.
Maybe we can’t have any impact on our culture, but we can exert some influence with our families and friends. I’ve worked as a coach with kids of various ages, and have set a clear expectation about what words I find offensive. I ask kids to be respectful of my values, and not use vulgar or harsh words, including “shut up,” in my presence. I’ve been amazed and pleased that kids rise to this standard and refrain from such language.
At a time when many families feel victimized by a culture that appears increasingly crude and crass, you can still encourage values of respect, courtesy and civility.
Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at The Children’s Medical Center of Dayton. For more of his columns, visit www.childrensdayton.org/ramey.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Questions from readers
By Gregory Ramey, PhD, child psychologist at Dayton Children's and Dayton Daily News columnist
Question:
My 3-year-old son won’t stay in his bed at night. He keeps coming into our bedroom, regardless of what I say to him. I finally threatened that the boogie man would get him if he came out of his room and this seems to be working. I hate to scare him, but I don’t know of any other way to control his behavior.
Answer:
You should never threaten a child with consequences that you can’t or don’t want to deliver. There is a much easier way to deal with this common bedtime problem. Stop talking and threatening your son and instead, immediately put him back into his own bed whenever he goes into your room. Within a week or two he will learn that his behavior is not being reinforced and will stay in his own room throughout the night.
Question:
I think my in-laws are too tough on their 5 year old granddaughter. They seem very harsh with her - sometimes screaming at her, punishing her unnecessarily, and having expectations that seem too high for such a young child. I’ve spoken to my husband about this, and he is also surprised as that is not the way he was raised. I would like to talk to my in-laws, but I don’t want to hurt the relationship with our child.
Answer:
You and your husband need to have a frank discussion with his parents. Keep your approach balanced and positive. However, be very specific about what discipline techniques you find appropriate. If they are doing things that you find seriously objectionable, then you may need to limit their contact with your daughter to times when you are present. Your daughter’s welfare comes before your in-law’s feelings.
Question:
My 10-year-old has almost a perfect life, but he still seems whiny and negative. He goes to an excellent school, has two parents who love him dearly and give him a tremendous amount of attention, and has pretty much everything he wants. Even so, it seems like whatever we do is not enough and he is always asking for more. Does it sound like he may need professional help?
Answer:
Instead of seeing a psychologist, reflect upon your parenting approach. He has many of the characteristics of a spoiled child. Some kids develop a sense of entitlement. These youngsters depend upon others to entertain them, give them things, and satisfy their every whim. They are egocentric, self-absorbed, and generally unhappy.
It may be that you are giving him too much attention, and that he feels he is the center of your universe. Decrease the number of things you are giving him. Require him to do chores, and don’t attend to his whining and complaining. Volunteer efforts through his church or school may also help change his perspective.
Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at The Children’s Medical Center of Dayton. For more of his columns, visit www.childrensdayton.org/ramey.
Question:
My 3-year-old son won’t stay in his bed at night. He keeps coming into our bedroom, regardless of what I say to him. I finally threatened that the boogie man would get him if he came out of his room and this seems to be working. I hate to scare him, but I don’t know of any other way to control his behavior.
Answer:
You should never threaten a child with consequences that you can’t or don’t want to deliver. There is a much easier way to deal with this common bedtime problem. Stop talking and threatening your son and instead, immediately put him back into his own bed whenever he goes into your room. Within a week or two he will learn that his behavior is not being reinforced and will stay in his own room throughout the night.
Question:
I think my in-laws are too tough on their 5 year old granddaughter. They seem very harsh with her - sometimes screaming at her, punishing her unnecessarily, and having expectations that seem too high for such a young child. I’ve spoken to my husband about this, and he is also surprised as that is not the way he was raised. I would like to talk to my in-laws, but I don’t want to hurt the relationship with our child.
Answer:
You and your husband need to have a frank discussion with his parents. Keep your approach balanced and positive. However, be very specific about what discipline techniques you find appropriate. If they are doing things that you find seriously objectionable, then you may need to limit their contact with your daughter to times when you are present. Your daughter’s welfare comes before your in-law’s feelings.
Question:
My 10-year-old has almost a perfect life, but he still seems whiny and negative. He goes to an excellent school, has two parents who love him dearly and give him a tremendous amount of attention, and has pretty much everything he wants. Even so, it seems like whatever we do is not enough and he is always asking for more. Does it sound like he may need professional help?
Answer:
Instead of seeing a psychologist, reflect upon your parenting approach. He has many of the characteristics of a spoiled child. Some kids develop a sense of entitlement. These youngsters depend upon others to entertain them, give them things, and satisfy their every whim. They are egocentric, self-absorbed, and generally unhappy.
It may be that you are giving him too much attention, and that he feels he is the center of your universe. Decrease the number of things you are giving him. Require him to do chores, and don’t attend to his whining and complaining. Volunteer efforts through his church or school may also help change his perspective.
Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at The Children’s Medical Center of Dayton. For more of his columns, visit www.childrensdayton.org/ramey.
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